Why are you even together?

My overarching goal in couples work is to assist folks in moving closer to an embodied rediscovery of why you are together.

What drew you to each other in the first place and what benchmarks of friendship and connection and desire and CHOOSING each other can we revisit? Because...surely there was a time when y'all were not at each other's throats. Surely there was a time when you were excited to see each other and spend time together. If you can recall your reasons for being together, you can co-create reasons to stay together.

If you can't, or don't want to try, and you never really had a foundational friendship to even build back from, then...what are we doing?

Rodney and I are a great pairing because we fundamentally LIKE each other. We built our Relationship around deep, appreciative, and respectful friendship and authentic human connection. (It definitely helps that we successfully forged our way through the very challenging early DIY project that is pregnancy and birth of a child. We can basically do anything after that!)

So if things get hard, we can always orient to that. Look at where we have been, what we went through together, and revisit how we did that.

But if you never built a deep connection with each other, or traversed a hard thing successfully together, it's very hard to find your way through ongoing conflict. (Many couples fall apart after the birth of the first child because they fail to stick together as a team, and it begins eroding their connection very quickly.)

<<TL;DR: Deep friendship and rediscovering "why you like this person" is the key to resolving stickiness in a LTR. Deeply appreciating each other is necessary for ongoing relationship success and happiness.>>

Thinking about your own intimate partnerships, here are quick yes/no questions to ask yourself as a personal check-in.

Do I feel how I want to feel in this relationship?

Do I feel safe with this person?

Do I feel like I can say/be/do what is authentic to me and have it received well?

Does my partner "see" me accurately?

Does my partner treat me with kindness and respect?

Am I clear on my reasons for being in this relationship?

When I tell my partner what I want/need, do they respond appropriately?

Am I in love with this person?

Do I feel like my partner is in love with me?

When we are spending time together, does it feel good/safe/easy?

If I asked my partner to go get help with me to work on our relationship, would they do it?

Do I trust my partner?

If we didn't have (x obligation/responsibility), would I still choose this person as my partner? (THIS IS A BIG ONE)

This is a place to start thinking through the foundational friendship questions we could/should be discussing in your couples' sessions...

Roots & Keys Coaching is a great place to do this! :) Book an appointment here