The 80/20 Rule

Reminder: there is no such thing as a perfect person for you or a perfect relationship.

The most you can hope for is like 80%/20% ratio of awesome to not-awesome. Period.

Waiting around for THE ONE who will be EVERYTHING you're looking for is not a great plan. Not to say you should settle, but you should definitely expect that something really good, pretty consistently, over time might be as close to perfect as you'll get.

And it's also important to remember that all the stuff you're weighing or considering is relative to YOU and what you like or don't like. Your assessment of whether a person is right for you has no bearing on their worth as a human being, and likewise their assessment of you. One man's trash/treasure, as it were.

We are all just out here trying to play the odds and find ourselves in a relationship that feels good and safe and mostly-awesome. Like 80%-of-the-time-awesome. If & when you find that, maybe consider staying there for a while (or forever). That's a really good, solid, peaceful spot to be in. Those are good odds. There's clearly potential for high ROI.

But if it's NOT that, like say you're working with a 50/50 split where it's only good half the time (or less)...go ahead and break the fuck up already and keep looking.

Yes, that's my professional opinion. I mean it in a loving way, because you deserve to be happy and loved and feel safe in your relationship. But also, life is short and there are billions of people in the world, so I also believe the odds are in your favor that you can find someone who's a better fit for you.

Set up an appointment to talk about it if you want, or come to one of my groups and learn some skills...but don't languish in a shit relationship too long and forget who you are and what you want.

Here is my calendar. :)