It's ok to prune the friendship tree sometimes

Reminder: In adulthood, friendships should be value-added, not energetically costly and disappointing. Nobody has time for toxic friends who talk shit about you or make you feel bad about yourself.

Having been friends for many years is not really a good enough reason to keep investing if/when you realize this person doesn't "get" you and you don't enjoy being with them. If you dread it every time you're supposed to get together, maybe that's your body's way of saying the relationship has run its course.

It's different than intimate partnerships but similar in that you have free will and the right to choose whether you wish to continue. You don't have to have an elaborate "break up" but you always have the right to demote folks or prune them altogether from the friendship tree.

I'm not saying throw everybody in the trash if they upset you. I'm saying you have the right to determine whether someone feels good to you overall/consistently and whether you want to be around them.

There's a scarcity mindset that tells us fearfully "what if I can't find other friends" and "but we've been through so much, they know my story" ...the truth is the people who are energetically right for us will align with us and it will be relatively easy. You may have to extend yourself beyond your comfort zone to make shit happen, but you can make new friends who accept you for who you are in full.

People often pay me for sessions that are, functionally, bids for permission. So I just want to offer you permission to not invest quite as much in a friendship that takes more than it gives or hurts more than it heals. Friendships are the sustaining forces of life; they are the best thing. They stick around when romantic love does not. But sometimes it's okay to break up with a friend, too.

Life is especially scary for many of us right now; finding ways to enjoy it and be peaceful is of paramount importance. Pull closer the ones who enhance your peace, and feel empowered to create space between you and the ones who tax it. (And always remember, there are BILLIONS of people in the world. Some of them will want to be your friends!)

You could start by coming to some group stuff at HeldSpaceSTL! :)

Here is one of my oldest friends and me showing up in matching outfits the other day after not seeing each other for a year.

we've been friends since 1998 :)